A Wizard is never late

*Note from the writer – Sorry for not adding any photos or images, my internet connections is playing around with itself. Probably jacked off by now.

No, that’s not me! Shut up! Stop giving me that look*

 

Hey there this is Drago Felagund here to talk with you.

Of course you’ve all been coming here everyday for the past few months looking for new posts and expecting to be awesome-ified. I’m really sorry to all of you for letting you all down. I love writing but being in university(engineering) is really busy and I’ve been unable to check on my peeps.

That’s enough of ass kissing, bitches.

How many of you love Lord of the Rings, the books and the movies? I am a huge lover of LOTR and fucking love Arwen.

Elves are way too sexy.

So, as you all have most probably guessed, I’m a weird guy sitting on his ass all day checking on social media and stalking people, without any friends and homies to talk to.

😥

2 months and I turn into a pussy. Not so easily, I’m still here.

So, for you douchebags, I have formed the ultimate list of things a bunch of pussies like you should do when you feel lonely, because, I am a professional list- maker and you are all my minions. Here ya go!

 

5 THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU’RE-YOU’RE-SO-BORED-YOU-END-UP-SCOLDING-YOURSELF-AND-START-FEELING-MISERABLE-AND-FEEL-REALLY-LONELY 🙂 :-

 

  1. Let it all flow

When you’re feeling the above given feeling, you need to let it all flow : Crying, punching things, watching some videos, these things help you to finally accept the fact that loneliness is something that is SO TERRIBLE THAT YOU WILL NEEVER ESCAPE IT’S GRASP AND WILL DIE A LONELY PERSON WITH NO ONE AT YOUR FUNERAL/BURIAL/WHATEVER AND THAT YOU WILL NEVER HAVE SOMEONE WHO WILL UNDERSTAND YOU AND YOU WILL  NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR A GIRLFRIEND/BOYFRIEND AND YOUR PARENTS WILL DIE AND YOU WILL BE A WORTHLESS LOSER WITH NO ONE TO BACK YOU UP AND NO FAMILY MONEY AND WILL SPEND YOUR TIME LISTENING TO LOVE SONGS AND LOOKING AT HAPPY COUPLES AND HAPPY FRIEND GROUPS AND WILL END UP BASICALLY KILLING YOURSELF WITH SHEER STUPIDITY AND, EVENTUALLY, LONELINESS.

*clears a very very very throat* Yeah, so, let it flow.

 

2. Identify the problem and kill it

When you’re feeling down, look yourself in the mirror and in the eye and tell yourself that you’re a spark of life and you are not worthless. See why you’re feeling down, identify it, catch it in a net and zap the fucking shit out of the problem. Remember, all problems are in your head : They are just some situations which will end, however terrible they may be. I know sometimes it feels like shit and, even though it may be a small thing in your head, your heart amplifies that problem and blows it up. Fuck that and tell your shit – brain and shit – heart that you’re worth something.

Probably worth a fucking insect, assholes.

 

3. Read my blog

Seriously! This is the best thing your stupid life could have and trust me, you’re lucky to live in the same age as mine.

Fuckturds.

 

4. Do what you love

Enjoy life, because fuck, you don’t really someone to justify your survival and your worth! You’re you and everyone is a fucking bitch who can go suck a bull’s cock. Fuck my eyes out but you need to do stuff that you do for yourself only yourself.

*cue in sad yet inspirational music* Trust me, I used to try and fit in with the ‘cool’ kids and do stuff that would be completely opposite to what I really wanted to do. I wanted to be the cool dude, get all the girls and do cray cray stuff. But hey, I am something else, someone else. I do stuff that I love now. Most people think I’m weird and crazy, but fuck them! That’s why I started this blog and I’m thankful to the internet and to you bros for this opportunity.

I love you.

What my point is, love yourself.

And go get some pussy(or a dick, based on your sexuality).

 

5. Watch porn

Now this, my friends, is golden. Porn is the best thing that America has given humankind. To hell with fucking electricity, patents, telephone or anything. Porn is humanity’s epitome of awesome-ness.

God bless beautiful naked people having sex. It sure took me out of my lonely spot!

 

Follow these steps word to word, and you useless worthless pieces of shit might do something with your life!

So kids, do drugs and have sex with prostitutes. Because you’ll get fucked by fucking life in the fucking end any fucking way, fucking little bitches.

 

Stay Awesome!

 

 

 

 

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