Hey hey hey there this is Drago Felagund here to talk with you.
We’ve all been there. You study your entire life, you get an awesome(or a sucky. In your case, sucky) degree. Then you decide that it’s time for the world to see how amazing your talents are and how well you work under pressure and stuff like that. In a blaze of inspiration, you go start looking for jobs. You surf the net, ask friends, and don’t ask your family because admit it, family and jobs don’t go hand in hand, except if you’re into incest.
So did it happen? You realize, after that blaze and that fire of inspiration is over, that you were wrong. You are actually shit at what you think you’re good at. Your talents and skills are nothing but just a figment of your imagination. You’re now at the stage of realization. When the flying is over, you’ve finally come back to the ground.
You understand that you’ll have to develop some skills and be good at something other than crying, watching movies, knowing random shit about F.R.I.E.N.D.S(that’s still a good thing, though) and other T.V. shows and that these things really come handy except when you’re trying to be an actor. Which you won’t because you look and act like a pussy.
So what do you do? I, once AGAIN, have formulated a list for you, the ultimate loser, to be good at something and be a social star. Work towards this list and you’ll get that piece of pussy you’ve always wanted(or a cock. Men and women. I speak to all mankind) :-
- Look like a boss : –
You’ve GOT to do this. Looks matter a lot. Even if you’re not going for an interview, you’ve got to look in the mirror and say “Damn it feels good to be a Gangster” even if you don’t have any money and are probably the poorest person on the street.
- Go watch some porn : –
You know, you gotta what you need. Admit it, you want a sick job just so you can sleep with the most beautiful person you know. Even though you’ll be a miserable failure. Nothing wrong in being a stupid fucked up optimist now, is there?
- Talk sensible stuff with people : –
Or with yourself if you’re a loner and have no friends. Seriously, talking about chicks and making stupid jokes about dicks and passing smart ass comments might get you the short span attention of your friend circle, but it won’t get you shit anywhere in life. Really. Jobs and bosses don’t look for smart ass replies and stupid douchebags. They want real working people with a good sense of humor. Go do something with your life.
- Go to clubs and act like you’re rich : –
Now this is a tricky one. It’s easy to be rich and act like you’re poor, but the reverse is fucked up. Go try this actually. Or maybe you won’t do this. This is the rare optional point on my list. Only for the party people or wannabe party people.
- Start talking to people with your head up and look them in the eye : – Okay. This point. It sounds pretty damn serious and it’s one of the more serious points. This is legit. Don’t ask how, but this always works. People automatically assume that you’re strong willed and of a balanced mind. It is certainly true. It’s my discovery. Go get them, peeps.
- Stop fucking and start masturbating : – Go watch Don Jon. You’ll get what I’m saying. Fucking needs 2 people. Masturbation need one person. Get into the habit of working alone and don’t except people to help or work with you. I’m good at making analogies, bruuh.
- Be a person who loves to do everything : – Try everything. Try heroin, coke, weed. Everything. Do what you wanna do. Be of a free mind. Fuck what other people think. Be careful with your boss, though. Don’t try and snort coke during an important meeting. Or do. Probably it’s allowed in Google and Facebook!
- Learn Stuff : – Okay, so. This one is legit. Go to this amazing place or this freakishly sexy place to learn stuff that might help you to be good at things you love. Don’t waste time on random stuff. Do that when you DO get a good job and you don’t spend hours crying in the corner of a room. Or the bathroom. Idk. You’re the cry baby asshole, not me!
So here, this is the list which will definitely get you a reasonable job! You see, I have the solution to all your problems and social problems because I KNOW that you’re a social asshole and don’t know shit about life. Trust in me and you shall go places. How amazing is that, eh? Convenient for you since I love you all! 🙂
Thanks for reading!